Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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