I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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