I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
