If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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