He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My pussy is not your playground.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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