you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
