Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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