I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
