So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
