He is an equal opportunity slut.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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