i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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