I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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