Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
