Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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