Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
