Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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