how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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