Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
