there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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