id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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