Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
