Can i not drive my cunt home
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
