i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
