I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
