ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
