I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
