My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
