It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
