Apparently you make a good broom.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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