what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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