i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
