I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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