I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
