I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
