I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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