Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
