Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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