Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
