I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
even my farts smell like vagina
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
