# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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