she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
