yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
