sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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