I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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