Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
