She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
