My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
