so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
