I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
