nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
